One week with Taylor and Healing

This whole postpartum and newborn phase has felt and been so different than all my others. Everything from pregnancy to postpartum has been a completely different experience than the other two and in the best kind of way. 

Hudson was born at 35 weeks and was in the NICU for a couple weeks for apnea then when he came home he was on small doses of caffeine, wore a chest strap to monitor his breathing for two months and had the worst reflux/colic. Looking back, I was exclusively nursing and never had enough milk for him, he was always hungry and I was stressed/anxious but didn't know how to fix it. Finally we started formula, he needed reflux meds and at four months things got a whole lot better! With Riley I was induced at 37 weeks like Taylor but I was so traumatized from Hudson's experience that they monitored him close and he was in the NICU for a few days to watch breathing as well. Then his lips would go bluish when he would nurse and we ended up at our children's hospital to monitor him again. I was so stressed all the time and scared that I missed out on just enjoying things. 

Not this time and oh my heavens it has just been magic. I was just holding Taylor and was overcome with so much gratitude. Happy tears just flowing and thanking my Heavenly Father for this experience, it has been a complete dream. Taylor's breathing is steady and calm, no blue coloring, he has the biggest sweet spirit that just fills our home. I am so so grateful that we have him and that everything has gone so well.

From the beginning of this pregnancy one thing I really watched was my anxiety, the foods I ate and the sleep I got. Sure I had a couple times of high anxiety but for the most part I was really able to watch and control those feelings, this was huge for me and I have no doubt that transfers to your growing baby. I relied on oils, prayer and meditation. Lots of breathing practice which is also exactly how I was able to prepare my body and be in the right headspace for natural labor. Watching my breathing, taking counting breaths and similar practices has become second nature now and I really want to teach the boys as well. One thing I remind myself all the time is I can do all I can for myself and my family to be careful and safe and teach them and help them grow then the rest is out of my hands and I give that trust over to the Lord. For me that is God, a higher being that feels so close, loves me and is there for me. This combo of doing all I can to calm and nurture then giving the rest to him and to trust has taken a huge load of anxiety off me. 

I can't seem to put Taylor down for anything, I just want to soak up every squeak, every little bubble and just stare right into his big eyes. The peace that comes from having him here fresh from heaven and our loved ones there is almost tangible this time. I used to say I wasn't a "newborn" person but oh my goodness can I have a newborn for the rest of forever now?? 

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